One of my main challenges in advancing on my own Spiritual path has been the realization of my dreams. I will have a ton of inspiration a great vision and can struggle with knowing what I need to do to put it all together. Sometimes one dream will lead me toward another and other times I will find myself forgetting or even being afraid to what I think are the best possible steps at the time. Here are a couple things I've learned.

1) Each dream is a journey in it of itself of growth. Whenever I have rooted myself in my faith and spirituality and taken consistent action, I have always percieve what I have dreamed about advancing in some way. Sometimes the result was very tangible, like for example when I worked really hard in studying knowledge and teaching my students. One of them would have a tangible breakthrough and I felt my prayers were being affirmed and my effort was rewarded. It was clear to me and the result deepened my faith in my approach as well as lifted my spirit. More times than not though, it was intangible where something subtle would change or a synchronicity would occur, that would show me that I was on the right path just as I was, but that I would have to keep walking. These moments were happening not when I was at the peak so to speak, but while I was struggling to manifest and bring different parts of myself forward. While the signs were helpful, it was always up to me whether or not I would continue.... sometimes I didn't.

When I look back to when I was younger, I think back to how the Universe had put me on a path to succeed with basketball. I had some challenges (bullying and disrespect from clasmates, not being picked) and yet I was able to work through them. The more energy and effort I put forward I saw results. I had the ablity to work within my limitations, learn from my mistakes and keep engaging and putting my best foot forward. That culiminated for me around 14 and I won a recreational basketball league championship. I had made it right.

What I did not understand at the time as that as soon as you get through one phase of your dream, a new realm emerges with different challenges. Everything is constantly changing. That summer I can't quite recall putting in as much effort, as I was on top of my game. As a result that fall when I had faced competion that was a bit better, I had not evolved enough. In high school everyone was stronger and bigger. The game itself moved quicker. The situation required more than my belief, it required looking at myself and developing the skills necessary to advance. To challenge my circumstances a bit more to try and open up a way, or at least say I gave my very best.

When I have engaged the journey of my life, painful or not, I learn what life is trying to teach me. I also realize much more of what I am attempting to achieve.

2) Often I have been tempted along the way with superficial transformation. Things have transformed or shifted enough to make me comfortable. And in that my dream takes the backseat to whatever current plateau or pleasurable situation I find myself in or on. It's not "perfect" but I do well enough there and will experience and inner hesitancy about letting go and moving forward. This has made the road to some dreams longer or made some impossible to achieve. Because if I am not taking the action needed I learned, the dream itself is not really moving toward me. It's sort of just staying still as I am. And while I can accept the reality of this, in some part of me when I wise up, I will be unfulfilled or unsatisfied.

Dreams are achievable and we have to continue to grow as people.

Impostor Syndrome... if you choose to believe in it, is not quiet. It's can manifest as an abrupt interuption, a wound or a deep emotional pain. It confonts us and we have a choice about how we choose to resolve or not resolve it. Declining the opportunity to challenge it, won't ruin our lives but it will keep us in certain parameters.

There is alot of information out there that directs us to change how we relate to it, to heal, or to potentially change our environment. All of this can be helpful and useful depending on the context of the situation. My perspective is that there is a need to journey through it and transform it, with the purpose of stopping it from resurfacing in our lives. We deserve to move forward. We deserve to be confident in our ablities. We should feel capable that we can overcome challenges and obstacles, while staying true to who we are as people.

This approach takes development and commitment to transforming it over time. What area of your life needs work? For me, I have spent alot of my life enduring racism and the challenges that come with facing it. Namely. being in a position where I have had to develop ability and capacity in an area where I did not have that strength previously. It came from looking deeply into my life and seeing where are the areas where I am "behind". Not behind in comparison to anyone else of course, but behind in terms of taking care of cerrtain responsibliities that will help me in the long run. Where do i need to change? Where do I need to grow? What needs to be worked at? What needs to be weeded? Is that the path that I am on serving me.

Without developing the necessary insight to tackle the challenges within your life, it will be hard to move forward without consistently depending on others. It will also be challenging to make sustainable progress. We can fix things on the surface, while unbeknownst to us the depths of our lives are not moving. In addition, we can settle for less than full actualization and use comfort as a means to stunt our progress. We can outsource necessary changes to someone else's methodology which may or may not include our unique nature in it's perspective.

The alternative is to start by listening to our lives more honestly. No one can do that for us but ourselves. Yet, it is from the center, our core, where we have the deepest capacity to respond.

Where are you from? Where did you grow up? What did you experience...

A wise individual in my life was once confronted with the challenge of beginning to move beyond the past, transform and shape his future He spoke to me of this experience. He was moving along in his life when someone else challenged him to look at a habit that would harm his life later on if he continued it. He was abruptly surprised. He had never considered that this habit or some of his reaction, could shape his life, let alone be a potential cause of some of his problems. In imparting this lesson to me he explained (paraphrased here) "I never considered how my environment had shaped me." In that moment stepping out of familiar surroundings, he experienced a moment of awareness.

It was very easy for me to teach in places that were similar in some way, either socially econimically or students from the same ethnic background. Mirrored in these students I saw my own life experiences and some similar challenges. Many of them were encouraged to suppress their emotions and behave a certain away, in order to attain a reward or a long-term aspirational ideal. This process of stuffing, did not serve them in anyway to cope, or to percieve and respect their life or life journey. Unfortunately this behavior was severly damaging especially to students coming from difficult home environments or ones who lacked the basic skils to comprehend that day's lesson.  They also would many times have reactions that were very severe, probably because no one taught them how to emotionally regulate or would empathize what would seem to them like very difficult situations and circumstances. I am sure at a certain level we can all empathize, with feeling forced to act a certain way. Learning to repress what we feel, in order to realize some goal. A goal that some of the time isn't ours.

How does this relate to Impostor Syndrome? Well we to certain extent have internalized certain behaviors, conditioning, reactions etc..., from our early environments. These are the places, no matter how we reacted or what we thought had a shaping impact on us. We still might be practicing those same behaviors as a way of coping, reacting or responding to our reality. We might even champion these responses, whether they are are undersized (submitting) oversized (being self-destructive).

There's no one to blame, but perhaps something to change. These things that we practice, when we took them  on, some of them seemingly happened automatically. Some in response to external pressure, some in relation to some  internal fear or feeling. Many came from our reactions.

To begin to investigate how our environments shape us can bring us to a threshold of awareness and give us some tools to begin to challenge our Impostor Syndrome and weaken it's effect when it does appear. It can open up a new path or shed a light on where we need to grow or change conciously.

The 1st Gift of Awareness is being able to shed the light on yourself. Use this strengthen your awareness.

Impostor Syndrome this condition is transformable. We can definitely realize what we are seeking realize and ultimately change the trajectory of our life. To retain hope and inspiration is necessary and our transformation, benefits more than us.

There are some periods that can be a struggle. When we experience something unforeseen, negative or traumatic, it can knock us off our course and we can potentially forget what we are trying to realize. Maybe we are hurt physically. Maybe we are triggered. Maybe we are attacked emotionally or psychologically. In any event, something may occur intentionally or not, that may knock us over or knock us into another realm. It may take alot of effort,healing hope, faith or all of the above to recover.

We can't control the things that show up in our life or on our path. We can grow firm roots, stay committed and challenge the situation, so as to not let our circumstances rule our lives. How we perceive the obstacle or impediment and our resolve is important. We can even develop new strengths and abilities in a moment of crisis. 

It's key to do our best to remain centered and have some sort of practice or ritual we can turn to consistently, so when that emergency happens, we have something that we can draw upon. In addition if we have developed enough strength, awareness or wisdom, we can better handle or be prepared for what life is throwing at us. We can get through the storms whether we are unscathed or not.

This commitment to move forward and continue to practice and connect with ourselves, is a key on our journey of transformation.

Remember you can do this

Peace,

Facing Impostor Syndrome and getting on the road with what you need to achieve will challenge every part of you. And while you think that, you may have the answer in your head, the truth is that we need to journey through reality to make the changes that we desire. Something actually must move in our lives for transformation to occur.

Like anyone who journey's it's ok to be a bit frightened or disheveled. You are shaking up your life, turning away from the familiar narrative and getting off of the island of safety. It's likely you don't know exactly the change you are seeking will occur. 

Temptation kicks in to fall into old patterns, habits, ways of thinking, belief systems e.t.c. You know what's safe you know what works or maybe you have worked really hard to ensure a sense of stability in your life. Maybe others perceive you a certain way and that provides a sense of internal relief at some level.

What can be a bitter pill to swallow is that no matter what, everything changes. Even a form of ourselves that we particularly enjoy, at some point will have to be shed if we want to continue our evolution. Some of our demons, shadows, shortcomings, setbacks, will need to be faced. We may find a suitable structure to do that (work, spiritual retreats, affinity-based groups) or we may need to invent the structure to the best of our ability with what we have.


Don't allow your current position positive or negative, to influence your drive or motivation to take the journey. It is complex and risky, but surely better than  looking away or closing the door or refusing to be aware.  Learn to see , that however unpleasant you have choices and can take what the universe is offering you, for your growth.

So much of our life happens below the surface of our conciousness.  There are many different concepts and parts that sort of name this for us.  Some will work with what they define as the shadow, others will work with the concepts from their spiritual tradtion and others even will choose some sort of method to work with their subconcious mind.  One can even choose a less formal approach and rely on their instincts to move forward as best as they can. 

None of these ways are wrong and each possesses their own efficacy. What is key though is that we begin to reflect upon how we react to the different situations that life presents us. Many times we experience the same scenarios over and over, without knowing how to change the main character, ourselves.

How do we process an unfavorable event. Do we react by making stories that paints the other as the villan. Do we mercilessly blame ourselves? Do we go for a walk? What happens if the situation returns again? How can we deal with it better. so as to make some progress or be able to access a clear minded decision.

While their are many different techniques,  the most important thing is that it has an impact on our daily lives.  If we know we are going to through a difficult scenario we can observe ourselves in the moment and look for where we can change.  In addition, we can prepare ourselves in advance, which can lessen and mitigate the sting of things when they happen.

This is one way we can navigate toward becoming more of the Lightwarrior

Building off the previous post,  there is so much information in each reaction. There is alot of information in our state of being.

For this post I would. like to focus on three elements that shaped  how we  react and how we can respond.   They are our: Emotional Capacity, Previous Experiences and Level of Capabilility

The Emotional Capacity  element, this represents a container of how we have responded to life over time and how much is left in the tank. Recharging experiences like ceremony, good fellowship, doing an activity we enjoy or getting over a challenge increases our emotional capacity. Same with solid spiritual practice.  Over time and with proper care we can continue to develop this capacity. Especially when we heal our wounds at any level, this capacity is going to grow. Really one way to think about this is how we feel and how we have been feeling over a given period of time.

When this capacity is taxed or overloaded, our reactions and responses can be limited or very damaging. It can be hard for us to really discern what is happening in reality, in a more regulated state.  This sense of unbalance can be exacerbated by experiencing difficult situations over and over again, especially if feel we are experiencing varying froms of abuse. We can shrink within ourselves or potentially practice dissassociation as a means for dealing with our issues. No matter where we are at, at this stage it's helpful, to figure out what can do given our circumstances. However small, this can begin to prompt a shift overtime where more emotional capacity returns.

The next element would be previous experiences and how it is that we have dealt with them. What did we do the last time we faced this scenario. What role were we playing? What role did we cast upon another. How did we respond etc?  This area is subtle. Many times in life before we gain awareness or take a more intentional approach practicing wisdom, our immediate reactions are how we navigate reality. Especially when we are not in a balanced state, our triggers, fears or defense mechanisms can be how we filter the events in our lives. We can feel such a state disregulation that can we fall into the trap that things will never change or that we should shape our lives a certain way so as to not experience those things again. All of these responses are us at some level trying to process, trying to protect ourselves, trying to deal with pain.  Attempting to manage our setbacks.

Without awareness, our past can be the main source of how we attend to reality. Especially if that past includes any form of traumatic event. At a basic level, we can work to understand our previous experiences and can expand how we view them. There are many different frameworks and modalities that can serve to empower us and help us clean our lens so to speak.  We can potentially draw inspiration from someone we admire, our shares our background and has been able to navigate the places where we are stuck.  The point here isn't to mainly "get it right". Rather the point is to begin to engage our reality as best as we can.

Lastly,  Level of Capability speaks to  the idea,  can I handle this. What is in my toolbag? Do I have a toolbag? How fresh is my practice? What guidance have I recieved, what training can I lean on.

To a certain extent capability and capacity go hand in hand. If for example you find yourself highly capable in handling a certain challenge, your emotional capacity may not be taxed as much. Inversely though, if your in a situation that overwhelms your capability you may not respond in the best way. You may even lose your footing in the process.

It is important in some shape or form. to be intentional in developing our capabilties and building up our toolbag. This looks different for each person and likewise unfolds in different ways.  We can ask, " What do I need to learn how to do?" " How do  I need to show up?" " What needs to be strengthened ?" Where do I need to respond differently. " These are just some suggestions.

Go ahead and try it. Try thinking about your reactions with this point of view and see what happens. And think about what you can do to help yourself <3

I hope to make this as clear as possible.  When we think about Impostor Syndrome there is alot of writings and discussion around what it is for each individual and why it occurs. Numerous point of views, strategies and modalities have develop around "conquering" or at least de-potentiating the feelings that emerge from Impostor Syndrome.

To each their own right? I am sure some feel like this information has been very helpful. Likewise their are others that feel that what is out there doesn't exactly fit their case.  I am here to address the later and provide some context as to how I believe that it operates.

For starters, we really can't see our Impostor Syndrome, like we can a cut on our arm or a bruise on our shin. Rather we are more likely to notice it in our response or our reaction to a given scenario.  I don't subscribe to the notion that it's emerging simply because we cannot internalize our achievements, while not dismissing it entirely.  Rather,  I would like to assert that Impostor Syndrome has alot of different trigger points and that it's based not in belief but is embodied by us.  It is also emerging based on the context we found ourselves in.

Suppose we have  an image  of what  we think a certain role should look like. This can be either a role that has been visually described for us,  or through spoken or written word. We feel as if we check all the boxes that matches that description. Then when enacting the role, we face a scenario that is above our ability to handle it in that moment.  The feedback we recieved may have been negative and we may have internalized a distorted view of the situation.   Maybe if we behaved differently these things wouldn't happen, maybe that is our narrative. 

Could it possibly be that we are getting an out of the box experience  from life? 

Ok different scenario. Maybe we have an internal sense  of how a role should be perform or carried out. But, we have not had an opportunity to do in a manner that best reflects who we are or where we cone from. Maybe there is a barrier erected,  unspoken, that inhibits our ablity to do  so. And when we step  beyond this line, we receive feedback that we didn't expect.

So now these events are embodied in us to a certain extent and they influence whether or not in the future we pass this sort of Impostor test.  We can't see them, but we can sense how it is they impact us. Maybe instead of feeling a calm, we are warding off anxiety and dread. Maybe instead of trusting ourselves and evaluating our progress, we are putting undue pressure on ourselves to perform.

Maybe this reflects in some of our relationships as well. Maybe not.  But, if it is embodied to a degree we are going to carry it with us everywhere. We need to be aware of that.  It's not just occuring at work, which is what most pieces tend to focus on. And it is causing us a painful, peristent discomfort. I know this from experience. 

Maybe a question to ask is, How am I embodying this.

Deep in life, there is wisdom. Irregardless of how we percieve our circumstances, they are our own.

What we do with them to a degree depends on how we live. How are we living. Do we rue going through certain situations? Do we face them head-on despite percieved disadvantages? Do we call or draw upon what we need to help us.

It's all a mirror. It's all a path. That path is being shaped by a universe with our best interest in mind. Many times we don't need all the answers. We need a step, followed by another step.

What is the best step you can take? Try it without reacting to the outcome. Maybe it heads where you need, maybe it shows you where you need to go. Either way your moving,

There are many approaches as well.

What I discovered in working on my own Impostor Syndrome, is that there really isn't a one-size fits all approach. Some of the information I found while helpful, was limiting. I am not a stereotypical business man, this was the focus of some of the information I found. I am not a woman pursuing a career in a male-dominated industry. While I was able to extract useful bits of information, I didn't really find anything that described my situation or scenario. Or in the case of describing this phenomena I found that my behavior didn't map on to how the journey or process of resolution was being described.

In, addition to not being served in a way that I hoped, there were other issues that were coming to the surface. Do I really have this? Is it really real? Who am I actually? It was an identity crisis for sure. 

Now, years later I see more clearly, that it was an important part of my journey to find a process that worked for me, whatever the cost. It also led to a discovery of self-knowledge and awareness that may have been prevented if someone or something had intervened to early. Now that wisdom is apart of my life.

Going back to how I started originally, there are many different factors that influence Impostor Syndrome. Here are some I found. This list is not meant to be exhaustive, but rather to provide insight into your own process.

Age:  When I became aware that this was something that was influencing my life, I was about 30 years old. It's not something that I would say has had great influence over my life journey. It manifested itself right as I was changing my life path. Likely if I had stayed in my same confines, I may not have had to face it and grow

Experience: I had the mistaken belief that succeeding in one domain or area of life instantly transfers to other areas or domains. While some skills transfer, life doesn't always map that neatly. Coming into understanding of this was medicine for my ego and allowed me to reframe the situation in a manner that allowed me to make progress. It also allowed me to explain things to myself neutrally and afforded me the space to develop capacities and abilities.

Trauma: Some of the life themes that are apart of my journey were also coloring the situation. I had alot of buried trauma coming to the surface and found myself with emotions that I didn't understand or were difficult to manage. At least initiallly, the pressure I was recieving and putting on myself to succeed a certain way, was obscuring a deeper process. The more I settled into myself, and took each challenge bit by by bit, the more healing occured. More of myself was found or restored in the process.

To present an alternative point of view, other professionals in this field posit that it might be family dynamics that is the source of your Impostor Syndrome. Some suggest that it is not psychological, it is a character logical phenomena.  One of the books I read, anthropomorphized it as a character one has to challenge.  To me it's about getting to the truth, what heals you and what serves you. That's it. The journey looks different for everyone I believe.

One tool that I did find, was Pauline Rose- Clance Impostor Syndrome Scale, This is a diagnostic tool that aided me and discovering where I was on it's spectrum and provided healthy insight for my process at the time.  You can google it and find it.

To me, the best tools  lie inside of us. Many times we use the reflection of the outside in an attempt to gain clarity or add to our tool kit. The sharpest tool we possess is the power to consistently refine our approach. 

What you believe holds you back...

Shamans view the world as holding three realms. The upper world, the world of gods and heavenly spirits. The middle world, the realm that we inhabit and that makes up traditionallly daily life. And the lower world, which is said to hold our demons, ancestors. This shows up in a way that is hell like in our life.

The approach that Western mythology takes toward the lower world is that of the underworld. That which lives beneath the surface and is having an impact on daily life. This is where the hero must venture to slay or beat some sort of dragon. This encounter won over reorganizes the life of the hero. In lay people's term's the bill gets paid. The villian here is the bill and the hero is the one who pays the bill. This is a simple example, but just using this framework gets us connected to the plot line we see in many movies.

The lower world in reality is much more complex. We may struggle to transform something for an extended period of time. We may falter for many cycles. It helps to have a framework to approach this, that allows one to make and assess progress. 

This realm though is always a part of us. Just like in the movies, when one foe is vanquish another appears. However difficult this may seem, there is light at the end of the tunnel. A fresh victory even in the smallest sense brings new resources. An ability to face the next challenge. The growth of essential qualities like courage. The more we swim in the trouble waters and survive we become better swimmers. We grow bigger and the mountains get smaller.

In order to grow especially from something like Impostor Syndrome, we have to face our lower world. The adversity. We will be tested. But also when we pass our tests what is promised is growth

Practice being observant 

We are never seperated from the Universe. Whatever it is that we are seeking to change, transform, heal e.t.c., there is a path and there is a way. The challenge is... there is more than one path, and we are not accustomed typically to making an choices and taking stock of what is really going on.

Certain situations make it challenging to get an accurate read of the situation. Maybe we are triggered or are suffering from being in a victim state. Maybe we are in disbelief about why things are the way they are and it doesn't feel fair. Maybe we suffer from some sort of chronic challenge that prevents us from performing the way we like.

How do we deal with this? One strategy is the practice of acceptance. Accepting that things are the way they are for a reason we may not be able to comprehend. Accepting ourselves, instead of practicing self-castigation or self-judgement. The things that need to change are going to change from our direct participation at some-level and we will be able to fuel change more effectively if we are supporting ourselves where we need to.

This is something that can be practiced over time. Most importantly, it puts you in the driver's seat